Election Fever!

For those of you that may have been holding out hope over the past week that all this federal election talk was just nonsense, I hate to piss in your Cheerios but the local candidates in my riding (Beaches - East York) have their campaign offices rented and ready to go. Two of those candidates' offices are right near my apartment. Let's have a look, shall we?

Maria Minna, Liberal

Minna is the incumbent. She first won election in 1993 and has held the riding for the Liberals ever since. She has blown out her opponent in every election except the last one, when Marilyn Churley (NDP) made the race competitive.

Like a lot of other storefronts on this stretch of the Danforth, this unit tends to be vacant most of the time. Every now and then, some business will open here but it never lasts. This particular unit has been home to several campaign offices over the years. If memory serves - always a risky proposition - the NDP has run federal, provincial and local candidates' campaigns from here several times, including Churley's in the last campaign, at least one of Peter Tabuns' campaigns (provincial, I think, I seem to recall a by-election), I believe City Councillor Janet Davis has used it and I'm pretty sure Michael Prue has used it too, which makes sense because his constituency office is just across the street. I should add, Minna's constituency office is also just a few doors away. Let's hope it brings Minna as much luck as it brought Churley in the last go round.

Most recently, I believe this place was some kind of karate dojo althought it has been vacant for a while. Apparently the martial spirit still prevails because Minna's got enough sharpened stakes in there to wipe out a rampaging legion of vampires. Or opposing campaign workers.

Marilyn Churley, New Democratic Party

With Minna snaking the NDP out of their traditional vacant storefront blight, Churley's campaign has snagged this attractive bit of retail space - a former pawn-shop next door to a former rub-and-tug that was raided and closed down by the vice squad a few months ago. Yes, this is an impressive neighbourhood I live in. I wonder, why not go all out and rent the jizz palace? Too close to the kind of work the NDP usually performs in the House of Commons? Oh wait, insert traditional joke about sucking and blowing at the same time here.

If you can`t tell, I`m kind of sour on Canadian politics. Anyway, the pawn shop didn't last long in that location before it had to downsize to a smaller store. Prior to that . . . oh, who fucking remembers. There are so many vacant storefronts here, this part of the neighbourhood and points east and south really are in decline at the expense of the affluent Beaches.

Zoran Markovski, Greens

I don't have a picture of Zoran's office because it isn't around here. The local Green Party website says his nomination meeting was held at the Beacher Cafe on Queen Street in the Beaches. Well, I guess we now know where the upscale eco-positive crowd lives in this riding. Zoran, baby, bubbelah, I don't know who you are and, frankly, I don't care - but I'll probably vote for you because I hate, hate, hate, fucking hate everyone else. Plus, you won't win. Can you feel the love? Don't fuck it up.

Who Fucking Cares,  Conservative

Eat my ass, Harper.