My Cup Runneth Over

I attended the "Everything to do with Sex Show" on Sunday afternoon, the third and final day of what is billed as Canada's largest sex show. Lest anyone out there think I'm a lonely, sleazy pervert - allow me to clarify - I did not go alone.  Oh, I'm still a perv - but I took a date.

The venue was the Direct Energy Centre down at the Exhibition grounds.  I don't know how they divide the space in that building but let's just say I've never seen so many dildos in my entire life.  In fact, I did not know that many dildos existed in all of God's creation. Seriously.  I'd have thought a quality dildo would last a while but people generally and your heavy dildo users in particular must go through dildos by the truckload.

And why am I saying dildo so much?  Because there is apparently no synonym for dildo.  Thanks a fucking lot Thesaurus.com!

We watched the Got Ass show which was fun and pretty hilarious. The basic premise is similar to Girls Gone Wild, wherein girls wearing booty shorts shake their butts on stage to win a trip to a resort in Jamaica.  The very first girl, a petite blond who clearly did not have the badonkadonk to compete - and knew it - shanked off her shorts at the first opportunity and flashed her whole undercarriage - say hello to the one-eyed winking starfish and the ol' beef curtains, ev'rybody, tee hee - the crowd, being Canadian, was stunned into near silence and some polite applause.

I was surprised at some of the exhibitors in attendance.  20-minute teeth whitening?  I don't know about you but I have one cardinal rule when attending a sex show - nothing gets put in my mouth.  This rule will also serve you well in strip joints, burlesque shows, video parlors and porno theatres.  This goes for food, too.  You can wait and eat somewhere else.  Anywhere else.

Funny note - right next door to the sex show?  The Healthy Kids Expo 2008!  I saw more than a few scandalized parents and bemused toddlers.  I love life.

Coda

Not to go all Jerry Springer on you, but here's a final thought about sex.

So, I'm eating in Pizza Pizza, having bid my date adieu at the subway station. These two grubby characters are going at it kinda heavy for a family restaurant, but whatever.  It isn't my place to say.  I know if I was reduced to making out in a Pizza Pizza, I'd be reconsidering some of my life choices but maybe that's just me. When a tit pops out, though, that's when I know it's time to go.  Plus, they spotted me.