So, if we go there, will there actually be something to see?

That, in a nutshell, summed up the reaction of two nice American ladies in Dundas Square last night during Nuit Blanche - who could not understand why everyone was standing around when there was no "art" nearby.  Now, as someone who once famously and cluelessly starting mocking the arts in front of this girl I was hoping to mack only to discover said girl was an art history major, I suspect I am only moderately more qualified to explain Nuit Blanche to tourists than, say, the clearly drunken frat-boy jackasses wandering around asking hey, anybody seen some art, yo?

Nice though they were, I'm afraid the ladies didn't really get it.  The conversation went something like this:

Lady #1: Excuse me, why is everyone standing around here?

Me: It's Nuit Blanche.

Lady #2: We know, but why is everyone standing around here?  

Me: I think you can get maps here.  It's a good place to wait for friends.

Lady #2: What are you doing standing here?

Me (holding up map): Ummm, I came to get a map and I'm waiting for friends.

Lady #1: But is anything happening here?

Me: Well, there's a big stage over there.  Maybe something will happen on stage.

Lady #2: But there's no art here?

Me: I think that guy over there in the wooden tower shining a spotlight on people is one of the artists.

Ladies (together, incredulous): Really?

Me: Yes.  I think most of this stuff is conceptual art, performance art . . . stuff like that.

Lady #1: And you need a map?

Me: Uhhh, there's lots to see and downtown is pretty big.

Lady #2: Where are you going?

Me: I'm going over to City Hall, there's a big blinking light installation thing I want to check out.

Lady #1: So, if we go there, will there actually be something to see?

Me: Ummm, blinking lights?  I hope so.

I thought the Stereoscope City Hall installation was super-cool.  I believe it was the first time I ever went up the pedestrian ramp to the roof. They were playing some slow techno along with the blinking lights - very trippy and a lot of fun.  Too bad they can't leave it in place but I guess people want their office windows back.  Selfish bastards.

Generally, I checked out some of the larger multi-media presentations in Zones A and B.  I thought Zombies in Condoland was a bit of a bust, as the crowd far outnumbered the undead, at least when I was there around midnight.  I really liked Business Class; I sat and watched that for quite a while, and only after some time did I start to wonder if all the supposed experts were even in that damn Airstream trailer, which I suppose is one of the points of the piece.

I also checked out Commerce Court, the common and the tense, Turbulence Sound Matrix, Benefit of the Doubt, the ducks in Devonian pond at Ryerson, Into the Blue, Fifteen Seconds (the guy in the sniper-tower with the floodlight), Waterfall and a few other things before chowing down on a chicken shwarma and heading home.

If you live in Toronto and can't drag yourself out to awesome - and free! - civic events like Nuit Blanche, you're really missing out on what the City has to offer.  That's right.  I'm more urban than you.  Suckas.